Would life be easy if you were born a boy?
Much before we had thought of having a baby, I was always obsessed
with having a baby girl. And I remember from the time I conceived I was
probably far more obsessed. So much that- at times I was advised by my younger
brother and doctor friend- what if it is a boy? Would you love him any less?
No. So stop obsessing for you don’t want to subconsciously end up being biased.
My joy knew no bounds when I first heard “It’s a girl just as you
wanted”. But as days, months and years fly by, I sometimes wonder if the life
of a woman is easy. Hell no. Its laden with more barriers and thorns than one
can envisage and that sometimes makes me wish – if it were a boy, his life
would probably be easier, wouldn’t it?
1) Right from the time you are born, people
judge you by your appearance- Angel has big and beautiful eyes just like you
but she looked very fair when she was born, now she is getting darker. Take
care and apply channa powder, that way she will be brighter. And don’t let her
watch much TV as she grows up else she will have to wear glasses like you. And
I wonder would so much of judgment have poured in if you were a boy?
The woman in me says- well it doesn’t matter, physical appearance
was never something I would have wanted you to obsess over anyways,
irrespective of your gender and I would have always encouraged you to develop
qualities which will make you a worthwhile person
2) As you grow into a young girl, running and
playing, laughing and throwing up your head in the air, some of them might tell
you- “Hey girl don’t laugh so loudly, that’s not how girls laugh, don’t sit
with your legs wide spread, don’t talk back, don’t argue, don't play in the hot
sun. And you may wonder why these are not being told to the boys around?
The woman in me says – these misogynistic beliefs are hard to wipe
out- they told me, now they tell you and tomorrow it will be your child. Turn a
deaf ear and run as much as you want and laugh as loud as you can.
3) You grow older and enter the storm of
puberty; you get your first period. I on my part will make sure you are well
equipped to deal with it by imparting the right information to you at a much
younger age, the facts shall not be hidden so I would not expect you to be
taken by shock and a sense of confusion like I had faced due to lack of
knowledge that such a thing even existed. No I will not do that to you. But I
still can't control the cramps, the back aches and the discomfort that you
might have to endure. I fervently pray that you go through none of these and have
a pain free period , may it be nothing like the nightmare I suffered month on
month which made me tear my hair and at times wish I could give anything to
take away this pain. Not everyone has it and I hope you are one of those lucky
few. At times I think why is it only women who need to go through this? People
sometimes use it as a bait to deny us equal opportunities saying you are
physically weak and at times our own kin (women) look down upon us saying we
are faking it, someone who has not endured it would never how bad it is. I
wonder what right they have to levy these accusations. I point a finger at God
and say " this is not fair, whatever happened to balancing the scales"
The woman in
me says -As painful as it is, God has somewhere given us the strength to endure
it and I am certain you will as well, for the bad days cheers to the hot water
bag and some painkillers
4) As you grow older, and new people enter
your life, “friends” who might be of the opposite sex. No I won’t frown at
that cos I have a few of them who are my besties, so why should you be
denied the right to explore this awesome relationship whose boundaries are not
defined by gender. But I also worry at times about how unfairly you would be
judged, whereas the guy friend will not be. You would be termed by some as
"too open". Isn’t this unfair you may ask me and I hate to tell you
yes honey it is – “It’s a man's word”
But the woman
in me retaliates- You make a choice- society or your life, you can’t have both.
I encourage you to choose the latter and give a damn about the former
5) I love dressing you up in shorts and a tee
and when you are a big girl and if you still feel at home in these clothes, as
much as I would want my daughter to have the freedom to choose what she wears,
you may find me stopping you from wearing these when you go out. I don’t know
how the world would be 10 years down the line but as a parent I would always
worry for your safety.
The woman in
me nods her head and says – But I cannot restrict you your freedom just because
some maniac on the road would hit at you. As a woman, I should coach you to
become strong enough to fight up these hooligans and not hide your body for you
have done nothing wrong.
6) Your safety being forefront in my mind I
may stop you from staying out late, attending parties and the reason is not
because I don't trust you honey but because I don't trust the world and I fear
they might harm my princess.
The woman in
me smiles – but you mom still trusts you with 1 am parties, so why won’t you
trust her?
7) As you embark on a new journey in your
professional life, you would be full of aspirations and would want to conquer
the world. I would stand by you my love, but I know there would be people
around who, rather than boosting your morale would ask you the question that
every young woman is asked- “so when are you getting married?” Career and all
is ok but don't get too immersed into it and miss out on marrying at the right
age. I know you would be strong enough to pay no heed but at times when you
look around and see your friends tying the knot and as you wait for the right
man, the wait may probably seem too long, I hope you stay strong and don’t let
these deter you.
The woman in
me knows that you will wait for the right one and not compromise on this important
aspect of your life.
8) You meet Prince Charming and though your wedding
day would be the happiest of my life, it would also be a sad day to see you
leave this home where we have built so many beautiful memories over the years,
makes me think why do daughters have to leave? I do hope and pray you get a
good life partner who respects you and values your dreams and you have equally
supportive in laws who treat you as their daughter, but I do worry what if this
is not true? What if you are not treated as an equal? What if their
expectations are that you be the good homemaker and they judge your goodness by
the rotis you make instead of your intelligence and other qualities?
The woman in
me retaliates- If such unfortunate circumstances do arise, I know you will not compromise
your self-respect and I shall stand by you my love
9) Then starts the wish for a baby and God
forbid the good news takes a tad longer to come, it is always the woman at
fault. Either for waiting too long or her sedentary life style and age
preventing her from conceiving. How do we jump to such illogical conclusions I
wonder?
The woman in
me know you will take the plunge into motherhood only when you are fully ready
10)Ah there is a lovely baby - but rather
than asking about your health and the baby's, they would ask if this was a
normal or C -section? Did you take epidural? (No capacity to withstand pain)
Are you breastfeeding? If not, this is blasphemy? You will be labeled a lazy
and selfish mom.
The mom in me
laughs it off – as a Mom you learn to get thick skinned and I am certain you will
master that too
11)And then starts the years of raising a
child which would be truly taxing although very wonderful too. You will be
judged for everything right from the child being too thin/ fat, to not
intelligent enough, rude, noisy, and not good at sports, silent, and so much
more. The finger always points at the mother first. You will be called the
working mom who doesn’t have enough time for her child or the stay at home mom
who sits at home whole day and her child is still not up to the mark.
The woman in
me knows you shall be the best version of the mom you can and a happy one
12)The sunset of life- can you live these
golden days per your wishes? I hope so or maybe not. For you may be called upon
to fulfill your responsibilities as a grand mom and I really hope you do it
only if you truly wish to do it. If you have other plans for yourself, don’t
hesitate to say no.
The woman in
me hopes that you think of yourself, it’s not selfish trust me.
Life is never easy for a woman- The expectation that she is a
super woman who should deftly handle everything right from cooking tasty meals,
to taking care of the kids, to being the career woman, the trophy wife, the
ideal daughter in law, the perfect mom, the doting daughter, the good hostess-
Unrealistically high expectations these are. And yes she is expected to
be in shape; fit and healthy else she wouldn’t be that epitome of perfection.
Menstruation which could be extremely painful for some, child birth, menopause
- they say these are borne by women because they are strong but at times I
really wish men got a fair share too.
Life is not going to be easy but being a woman and having seen my
fair share (I am certain there is so much more to come) I would raise my child
as a strong and confident girl and I wish she sails through all that life
dishes out with vigor and only emerge stronger.
Also
Linking up with #WomenOfBlogging
Linking up with #WomenOfBlogging
Ah! The inner fights a mom battles when raising a daughter. I can relate to this so well! Well written
ReplyDeleteTrue Neha! Glad you could relate to it. As much as we talk about equality and empowering our women folk, at times especially as a Mum of a baby girl I cant help but wonder if the life of a boy is safer and less of pain.
DeleteA girl when takes birth becomes the most important part of a family and is the favorite child of her parents. As she grows, her parents would nurture her with the best possible materialistic pursuits and peace of mind, which would help her grow as a responsible woman. In return to her parents care, there are seven moments from a girl's life, which would make her and parents proud.
ReplyDeleteYes indeed a girl always holds a special place in the heart of her parents- and as much as I believe in empowering not just my daughter but every girl around, I sometimes wonder why the scales are not balanced.
DeleteVery well written, I can actually picture it in my head...the words have a great flow.
ReplyDeleteI think we women, (all of us) are happy at the end of the day about being a woman.
Because, life maybe easier for the men (Is it ?), but nothing beats being a woman.
Thanks a lot Zainab! yea its strange but true, at times I find myself wondering - my own life would have been much easier had I been a boy. But then I shake off this feeling and tell myself - nothing beats being a woman as you said it!
DeleteYou have penned down every women's thought beautifully, loved reading the post.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a Happy Women's Day😊
Happy Women's Day to you too! Thanks for the love!
DeleteToday I find parents-to-be hoping for it to be a girl as they want to dress her up pretty and generally feel better about having a daughter over son. That's really great to see.
ReplyDeleteI hope you really bring up your daughter with all these points in mind . She will have such a beautiful childhood. Cheers
My girl runs away from all the dainty frocks and is happiest in her tee and shorts 😊. On a serious note I see some would be parents hoping for a boy only cos they fear the safety of a girl child. I know life as a woman is not easy but I do hope to make my girl strong
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post to heights. It speaks for me too but even then, I wish for a baby girl. It would be a challenging task to raise a girl to a woman who can stand up for herself and her Family too. A woman who does not fear the responsibilities, age old customs and judgements. Its my first time here and this will make me come again.Cheers.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the kind words, indeed made my day!
DeleteThanks a to, yes I can imagine how utterly disgusting it is when women do this to women, thx a lot for taking time to read and comment
ReplyDeletei am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteor
call/whatsapp:+2349057261346
i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
or
call/whatsapp:+2349057261346