Motherhood Penalty
Clara a middle aged Mum of two juggles working in a stressful
corporate job plus managing her two young kids. Things were still manageable
with just one kid but after the birth of her daughter, she finds it very
stressful to give her best and is often left with a feeling of utter deject
unable to do justice to her kids or job. She wakes up early cooks breakfast
lunch and snacks for her kids and then leaves home by 9 after entrusting her
kids to the nanny. At work with a well-paying and highly demanding job, there
is hardly a moment of rest. Coffee time breaks and browsing the net or mindless
gossip is something she steers clear of. Her main goal is to finish her work
most efficiently within time, do the best at her job for she is not someone who
is working just for the sake of it or to make some money- NO. She loves working
and wants to give her best shot at what she does.
She is also perceived as
someone who is good at her stuff and this credibility is something she has
earned through her hard work and dedication.
She has
limitations of cos which some may argue are self-imposed. The nanny would only
stay till 6.30 so she needs to be back in time as the kids are too young to be
left to themselves. Her hubby works in a high profile job and stays out long
hours. So the primary caregiver is she of course. As she was working with the
same MNC even before she had kids and people knew her well plus she had built
her credibility over a number of years, things we going in fine. It was a
struggle for her to see through 24 hours but one day at a time she told herself
and time passed. It’s the matter of a few years till the kids grow up and start
schooling, they will be self-reliant then and will need me lesser, I can then
focus more on my career, meantime a gap would be detrimental and I need to
manage. She had never thought of quitting- but the un thought of happened. One
year down the line she had resigned and had chosen to stay home and take care
of her kids.
Why the abrupt decision? What happened that changed her mindset to
such an extent that she took such an extreme step?
She had recently
moved locations and the new VP (a guy) was someone who loved to micro manage
things- look into mindless details like what time someone logs in, logs out,
how many days off etc. He noticed that recently due to her son's illness she
has been taking many days off and to add to her woes, the nanny decided to
quit. It was tough finding a new nanny and the kids had to get used to the new
person too. Though she felt guilty about not being able to do justice to her
work during that period, she made sure her personal issues were communicated to
all her team members and the manager. The team was very understanding and
happily offered to cover her, they knew that it was a genuine problem and she
had no choice but be with her kids. It did not mean a lot of burden for them as
the team was big and tasks we well distributed but the VP had to create a storm
- he told her that the team was facing issues and had to stretch because of
her. He urged her to come to work for a few hours at least - the overworked mom
had to come in to work when she had hardly slept a wink, she worked nonstop
without a lunch break and left early to rush to the hospital to be with her
son. The complaints and dissatisfaction of the manager did not stop and finally
when she could take it no more she decided to quit.
This is not a
piece of fiction but the true story of one of my seniors who is now a
homemaker, the kids have grown up and I had a chance to meet her one day. She seems
happy but wants to get back to work as this is something she always liked,
though she doubts with such a long career break how would her prospects look?
This was not the case of non cooperative colleagues, work pressure, an organization
which did not support working moms but a case of a manager who played
spoilsport because he could not appreciate what it is to have a working mom on
your team. He only looked at it as a liability due to the days off taken and
early leave but failed to recognize her contribution and the talent which the
organization had lost forever.
A recent article
spoke about how many women are forced to quit jobs post having a baby and the
loss of earning capacity that this results in. The earnings lost is more severe
in case of highly qualified women who work in technical and other specialized
jobs. Often if not quitting, they are found to have moved jobs to a less
demanding and professionally lesser satisfying role for the mere reason that
coping with the job demands and taking care of the baby is humanly not
possible. How many men on the contrary have to think of quitting or take up a
less demanding job after having a baby?
The irony is -
when a woman announces she is pregnant the chances of her rise and promotion
are down in the dumps for the perception starts floating- ah now she will go on
a long maternity leave and after coming back will keep taking time off to tend
to her baby. But a man who is expecting or is a Dad is often perceived as
someone who is stable and responsible and will not take rash decisions of
moving jobs, rather would stay committed and is a good resource. The stark
contrast of perception fills me with rage.
It’s akin to
doling out a penalty to women because they chose motherhood - they are forever
labelled as someone who will have other priorities, will not be able to do the
best at work, will keep taking days off and can no longer be the star resource.
Well its Mother Nature
that's endowed us with a womb that can produce babies and to hold that against
us or label us as inefficient is sheer stupidity- for think what will happen if
we just decide to be efficient the way you want and chose to stop procreating.
A good thing will be very few of the likes of you will be around.
An appalling thing
that also happens is women who advice would be Mommies or those who just return
to the workforce after having a baby - take it slow, career keeps happening,
enjoy motherhood now, its ok if career takes a backseat, we are women not men.
This is the worst you can do to your kin, rather than encourage them and tell
them that they can do the best at both or let them decide for themselves,
demotivating them and feeding them with such stereotypical views is
detrimental.
Motherhood is not
something to be treated as a penalty, its time people do a reality check
and dig in deeper to realize that the merits of having a working mom not
just for the diversity she brings in but also for her contribution- far
outweighs the risk seen of her taking time off to attend to
other commitments. That she will no longer be as efficient is just a false
perception which needs to be changed. Being aware and accepting that such false
notions and perceptions exist is the first step in working towards changing it
step by step.
As Sheryl Sandberg says -We cannot change what we are not aware of, and
once we are aware, we cannot help but change.
Hi.
ReplyDeleteLoved reading this.
It's so on point!
Thanks so much for your lovely comments~
DeleteSo true. .. why women are expected to make a choice? And why women are not supported by the workplace? Is it because they believe that any man can do the job too. Don't know, but just because women carry the baby should that would be a reason for them to be the primary care gives. But will this ever change is the big question. Kudos to all the women to brave all the odds and even to the family in helping her achieve her dreams.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing in Aesha- true this is a far from reality change expected but step by step we can hope to make a difference. Its important women change their attitude first and stand by each other
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