A letter to my future self in 2017
As I bid adieu to 2016- looking back at the highs and lows -this year will bring such drastic changes is something I could have never foreseen. A year of tumultuous change it was.
A big decision professionally which resulted in an even bigger personal move. Fighting through the guilt of the consequences of a decision that worked wonders for me professionally but was no smooth sailing personally.
Happy to have seen my blog grow and forge some memorable friendships with fellow bloggers.
Looking back at the highlights of this journey and taking sometime to introspect and think about the course of my life in 2017, here is what I want to tell myself
1) The big decision which I have spoken about and which was the most significant aspect of 2016 is my job change -after spending close to 7 years in a company where I kick started my career, it was time for me to move on. I always knew that this was not the place for me, but something kept me back. Was it the familiarity of the place or fear of unknown or just getting complacent and accepting a treatment which I was unworthy of?
Probably a combination of all. But I am so glad and proud that I chose to stand up for myself- and take the risk of stepping into unknown territory. Come what may. It may work out it may not but I am confident of my abilities and talent.
And 6 months down the line I could not be much happier. I love the new workplace, people, work and what makes me no longer dread Mondays and look forward to each day with vigor is that I feel valued here. And that makes the whole difference. I never had doubt about my abilities but over a period of time the environment I was in had shaken my confidence somewhere. Only I could have taken a decision to regain that and I am elated I did it.
For 2017 I have set specific goals about what I want to achieve professionally and meeting those goals is going to be my focus. A tiny voice in my head said- what if after all the efforts and working towards my goal, I fail to achieve it? Will I be able to handle the disappointment that ensues? I then remember the conversation I had with a very good friend a few days back. When confiding my fears in him, he told me something that struck a chord- well that’s a risk you have to take my friend. Higher returns only come with higher risk. You can do your best but there are things beyond your control, its futile thinking of them and losing your peace.
And I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes - may god give me the strength to change what I can, the wisdom to accept what I cannot change and the serenity to know the difference.
2) While this has been a giant leap for me professionally, it also necessitated my moving to a new city, sans my hubby. Some may wonder why take up q job in a different city? Given the niche industry I have been working in since the past 7 years, the number of companies are limited. There were a handful of opportunities in Bangalore but none were promising. I did not want to compromise and settle for something less worthy and hence I took up this opportunity that came up in Pune as it was perfect in every way.
My husband and I had spoken about if right from the time I decided to interview for this role and though there were hesitations, he understood the reasons for my decision and stood by it. That was initially but when the time came for the actual move and post my moving - the first few months were horrible for our relationship. There were quarrels, accusations, tempers flying, tears, I struggled with the guilt. I kept blaming myself for being so selfish that I put my career first and left him stranded.
I suffered a lot due to this unneeded guilt that I took upon myself. It affected my health too and I started losing weight. I had become irritable and picked up quarrels with my mom unnecessarily.
In hindsight I realize how futile this was. I wouldn't want to spell out everything but as a woman if I decided to accord importance to a career I have built painstakingly, is that wrong? If I decide to secure the future of my family, is that wrong? As women we are often conditioned to be selfless always sacrificing for others and if we pause to think of our self we hastily retreat as we are seldom able to handle the guilt. I have not completely steered clear of it but on introspection and thanks to a handful of close pals- I know I need to fight it. I am clear about my priorities and I know what I need to do.
My goal for 2017 is to stay calm stay focused and not muddle up my emotions for I would be the sufferer.
3) 2016 was also a fab year for blogging. I tried my hand at novel pieces, stories and unspoken of topics which received wonderful response from readers, many of my blogs trended. I got the highest number of followers on a popular blogging site (171 to be precise). I bagged the coveted blogger no 1 title and won a kindle twice for being among the top parenting blogs.
The best part was forging new friendships with fellow bloggers some of them not just limited to blogging but a level deeper.
My goal for 2017 is to continue in my quest of writing new and novel pieces. I would also attempt to publicize my blog. Socializing is my Achilles heel but it is something that’s vital for a blogger and I would endeavor to make new friends on blogosphere ad also find new avenues to grown my blog.
4) 2016 has also been a year of gratitude to some people who have stood by me. I have at times selfishly avoided their calls citing the excuse of time but they have readily picked up mine and listened to my rant.
In 2017 I want to remind myself that such people are rare and precious, I should count my blessings and do my part in making them feel valued. Pick up the phone more often and talk to them. Not just when I want to vent.
5) On a lighter note 2016 was the year when I finally bought my dream luxury bag - Michael Kors. Yeah Louis Vuitton is still my dream prized possession and I know I will get there one day but elated to have made a start with MK.
MK also reminds me of the fab trip to Switzerland- my maiden European trip and the best part is taking my mom and daughter along on a business trip.
I do hope 2017 sees more wonderful family trips and more luxury handbags (at least one?)
6) 2016 saw some really ugly moments between me and mom. We disagreed on something's very strongly which lead to squabbles, tears, making up hugs and some more tears. In the coming year I want to make an earnest attempt to avoid any bitterness.
I also want to nurture my relationship with my grandmother who has been a guiding light. I have been insensitive at times, we may not agree on everything- let's agree to disagree.
These women have been driving forces in my life. Without then I am sitting in a luxury Merc but the steering wheel is missing.
7) As a Mommy 2016 my second year at mommying was a roller coaster. There were moments when my little one seemed a bit aloof from me during our stay at Switzerland but it was just a passing phase. I look forward to creating wonderful memories and soaking in the effervescent experiences that 2017 had to offer.
A firm resolve for 2017 is putting away my phone when she is around. That's a much needed parenting rule I need to abide by.
8) Lastly but not the least love myself more and stop fretting over things. Pamper myself which I do anyways, a bit more had never harmed anyone. I want to maintain a clear vision, not lose focus, stay optimistic and go with the flow.
I hope the year turns out fantastic, brings in some wonderful memories There will be moments of sadness, angst and shades of grey but I hope to remind myself each time - this too shall pass.
Happy New Year!!