Haven't we had enough of the Working mom v/s SAHM ? Are we done yet ?
I started blogging a couple of months back when Angel my daughter completed 3 months which left me with a teeny weeny bit of time for myself (which felt like a luxury). I was drawn by so many articles on the subject of Working Mom and Stay at Home Mom. Some of them just sharing their stories and why they decided to be a “Working or SAHM.” At times, it got ugly and I saw posts where people literally lashed out at each other, each justifying why they were a better Mom and didn’t flinch a bit in putting down the other. Moms would start debating and fighting it out on social media whenever any post on this topic was uploaded. Each would go about flaunting why she is a better Mom and then list out how the other category of Moms were either too selfish thinking about their jobs and placing their career ahead of their baby and the second category would boast of how they managed it all and they wondered what the SAHM's did the whole day at home?
That’s when I thought- we have had enough of this. Haven’t we? These mindless squabbles don’t make any sense to me, the only purpose they serve is creating negativity. The point that we all seem to be forgetting is- We are Moms and that in itself is no small feat. Why undermine each other? Instead, we should be providing the much-needed support and encouragement to each other- We are one! We are Moms! Being a working or WFHM(Work from home mom) or SAHM, its Mom that's the common word here The word that binds all of us.
I am a working mom but in no way do I undermine in the efforts of an SAHM nor do I believe in saying “Oh but what did you study all these years for? Just to cook and clean baby potty?” It’s an individual choice- I have seen many working woman who took a plunge, gave up the glamour of the corporate world and that monthly glee that we all working people experience when the mobile beeps with the message ” Salary Credited”. Many of them could devote more time to their hobbies, nurture their talents which their demanding jobs did not leave time for in the past. And many have returned to the workforce once the kids started school, with returnship programs and other such initiatives by corporates who are keen to have a diverse workforce, the mommies are welcomed with open arms. Some of us might want to enjoy longer time with our kids, be there for them right from the start of day , from packing their lunch boxes to driving them to school, be at the gate to pick them up and listen to their anecdotes in the car as they draw you into their world of innocence. At the end of the day it’s a personal choice, one cannot undermine one or hold the other superior.
Coming to working moms, for many of us considering taking a break is not an option and this stems from monetary needs, maybe we have our partner doing well but in today’s world where the cost of living has gone up exponentially, most of us are saddled with housing and car loans, having got used to a certain standard of living when we were the in vogue DINK( Double income, no kids) to suddenly envisage the complete disappearance of one stream of income and that too when we know we now have a child whom we would again want to give the best of everything. It might not seem practically possible. Even for those who might not have this financial need, the mom could still want to continue working. Every mom would definitely ensure she has made the best arrangements for her child to be taken care of in her absence, be it by elders in the family, day care, maids under CCTV surveillance or in presence of a trusted adult, no mom is a fool to have decided to join back work after maternity leave ends without a plan in mind.
Maybe she wants to pursue her career which she is passionate about at the same time give quality time to her little one who is the center of her Universe. Again we cannot judge her, it’s her choice and just because she’s not around 24 hours a day with her child, it’s wrong to say she’s not around when he needs her. It’s the quality of time spent that matters, isn’t it? We have seen several instances of working moms building successful careers and raising happy kids as well .” She’s for sure Cinderella’s evil stepmom,” I think we got to be done with this attitude.
Lets respect the choice of every mom. Bringing a child into the world is by itself no mean feat. Many of us have gone through it more than once. And this is just the beginning- raising a child in itself a very big responsibility and requires one to devote so much time and effort to it. We are constantly riddled with that nagging doubt of- Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? With society not leaving even the slightest of chance, to question or point fingers at a mother- “Aree why is she so thin? Why is he so noisy/shy?Are you bottle feeding her? Blasphemy… God save the poor child. Marks are less what happened, not studying enough?” It goes on and on and the primary target is most often is the mother. And in a way it never ends. I have a child now, but I think my mom might still get questioned by a nasty few.”Haven’t you taught your daughter what needs to be given to the baby at 7 months?” Sigh! this will never end.
But the least we can do is not make it tough for each other by pointing fingers at one another for our choices. Let’s be the multitasking, super efficient, chirpy, bubbly, evergreen, on standby 24*7 Mommy team. Here’s to all the mommies out there- Cheers! An Oscar would probably be less worthy of us, what say?
Bhagwan you speak English with your daughter? What is happening these days?
People want to show off and are forgetting their roots”. I have heard this many times. Earlier my
reaction used to be - apologetic. I would keep quiet and try to ignore the comment
and find an escape route. But now if someone dares to talk to me about this
matter, I snap them off then and there. I am unapologetic I don't think I have
done anything wrong which I need to feel ashamed about. So yes I do speak in
English at home and this is my first language. No qualms about it. And
it's not because of an inter caste marriage in fact I have been speaking
English as a first language right since childhood. To give you some background
on how this came to be. My mother’s parents belonged to Mangalore ( it's a
coastal town in Karnataka) they migrated to Bombay in search of a livelihood
when they were young. They married, had kids and their kids were brought up by
a maid. As my mom and her brother lived…
Now let me confess- I am really NOT someone who loves watching
daily soaps. I know reading the tile you thought- what the heck, if it’s a
daily soap on TV it is bound to be stereotypical, full of nonsense and drama
and if you watch such stuff why complain, and if complain why watch? There was a
time when I was in college, all naive, and this was when internet was all about
going to the cyber cafe and getting all excited about entering the chat room
and typing asl (age ,sex ,location) and talking to strangers. At that time, the
only source of entertainment for young people like me was the idiot box so I won’t
lie- I used to watch the Ekta Kapoor soaps and probably even like that at that
point, that’s why I use the word Naive. As I grew up, met
diverse set of people, read and experienced new cultures, my thought process
changed. With a hectic job, I hardly found time for any TV watching. My Mom who
is also a working woman used to watch a few Marathi soaps. She always told me
A visit to the shopping mall and all kinds of people dressed in
varied shades and type of clothes is what catches the eye. While the guys
longingly ogle at pretty girls and women check out each other from top to down-
right from how has she done her hair to her toe nail and the shade of nail
paint, one cannot fail to notice some middle aged aunties all dressed up in a
pair of jeans or a skirt, some of them look around awkwardly, adjust their
dress and try to look comfortable but it’s apparent that they are not. How
could they possibly be? For around them are so many eyes scanning them, some
are whispering to others and guffawing. It is quite evident that people find it
amusing when a fat lady wears jeans. She's your regular
woman who has those tires around her waist and some generous dollops of flesh
on her thighs. She is the one always trying to hide these so called flaws by
wearing an ill fitting salwar for hasn't she heard time and again from
everyone- “you are FAT, you are…