13th April 2015- the precise date I went back to office after 5 months. I fondly recall it was exactly one year ago around this time that I discovered something which changed my life forever. Yes! I found out I was expecting and the euphoric feeling it invoked is something I fall short of words to express. Life has taken a complete 360 degree turn and despite the bleary eyes and baby fat, its a beautiful experience.
It all started with waiting desperately for my maternity leave to begin(as all we working people wait so eagerly for holidays). It came, and I soon realised this no vacation in fact it is multiple times more difficult and demanding than a job. 3 months flew by and by time my little one had settled into a routine and I had a teeny weeny bit of time to myself when she took her naps or was playing with her Mai or Dadi, I looked out of the balcony and felt I missed going out. I missed office- Oops!! I can't believe I just said that. No doubt the demands of the baby kept me on my toes the whole day and what with the household chores and some miscellaneous stuff which always popped up, but I missed going to work.
And finally the day dawned, the day before I spent so many hours in the saloon. I really needed that extra time as I looked terrible- I had forgotten what going to the parlour meant- it was a luxury I just could not afford owing to lack of time. Entrusting my baby to my mom, off I went to look presentable lest they see me and shoo me off at the gate (the ID photo is just not you- whom are you tricking?).
I kept reminding myself that I would be strong and not cry- after all I'm leaving Angel in the hands of my mom (Mai) and grandma, I could not have wished for anyone more trustworthy. I had no doubts about the care and love she would be brought up with. They have always stood by me and both being working women strongly urged me to continue working while they would extend their full fledged support to me. This is what instilled the confidence in me to get back to work.
The next morning I woke up to the shrill song of the alarm( When I set the alarm I realised it was really 5 months since I had last used it- O how time flies!).I got ready as usual and I did feel the happiness of a kid as I wore a new dress and my new heels(I missed them since almost a year as they were a strict no no during pregnancy). As I waited for the cab to come, Angel woke up suddenly and looked at me with her large innocent eyes, she gave that smile which melts my heart and chuckled. She was oblivious to the fact that Mumma would not be with her the whole day like any other day. But I wasn't. There came the floodgate of tears which I tried to hold back with such an effort but failed miserably. I took her in my arms and hugged her tightly. Mum assured me she would be fine, don't cry. With that I went to work.
It was great meeting people after such a long time. After the initial banter and sweets tasting session, I settled down and said hi to my colleagues who worked in a different location. As the day passed I kept wondering what was Angel doing( Multiple calls to Mom who assured me she was fine, having her food and playing as usual). I knew she was too young to miss me. Its funny how the daily stuff we do which sometimes gets so monotonous- we start missing that and yearning for it once its no longer a part of our daily life. I missed those moments- her sleeping on my lap as I too dozed off or sometimes listened to my ipod watching her innocent face and thanking God once more for this precious gift, feeding her, entertaining her when she became cranky , taking her for a stroll in the pram. I desperately waited to get home.
I left early that day but rains played havoc and I couldn't reach as early as I planned to. As I stepped into the house, and ran to meet her, I saw her sleeping. She woke up later and I looked into her eyes and sang a nursery rhyme she loves listening- her eyes were wide open and she gave that gleeful giggle and moved her hands and legs all excited- O how full of joy I was to see her.
I knew this was going to be a daily thing and yes work would get more intense and demanding as time progressed and there's no doubt I would miss her terribly, but It was a decision I had made for my own reasons fully aware of these facts. Yes I would stand by it and spend whatever time I get outside of my working hours with her. Weekends would be lovelier than before and so much more motivation to get off work early(actually thinking not that I needed any in the past:-) ). Which meant I was going to be two times more productive and efficient than before(well work keeps adding but time to do it diminishes!!)
Well, its the generation of the multitasking super moms, ain't it?
A visit to the shopping mall and all kinds of people dressed in varied shades and type of clothes is what catches the eye. While the guys longingly ogle at pretty girls and women check out each other from top to down- right from how has she done her hair to her toe nail and the shade of nail paint, one cannot fail to notice some middle aged aunties all dressed up in a pair of jeans or a skirt, some of them look around awkwardly, adjust their dress and try to look comfortable but it’s apparent that they are not. How could they possibly be? For around them are so many eyes scanning them, some are whispering to others and guffawing. It is quite evident that people find it amusing when a fat lady wears jeans. She's your regular woman who has those tires around her waist and some generous dollops of flesh on her thighs. She is the one always trying to hide these so called flaws by wearing an ill fitting salwar for hasn't she heard time and again from everyone- “you are FAT, you
A short story. "We couldn't save him we are extremely sorry ma'am your son is no more". An eerie silence crept all over. I was so shocked that I stood rooted to the spot. No tears, no sobs, no loud cries just a blank stare. Staring into oblivion. It was just this morning that I kissed Rehan good morning, gave him a bear hug which is our morning ritual, whispered in his ears " Mumma loves you baby", lovingly packed his sandwiches and stuffed the chocolate bars and chips into his bag. He was all excited about his school picnic. They we're headed to a resort which had a lake and my boy loved water. What an irony.It's this water which made him pay the price of his life. Yes it took him away from me forever. When a child loses his parents, he is called an orphan. A wife who loses a husband is called a widow, a husband who loses his wife is referred to as s widower. But what do you call a parent who has lost his child. Is there a word? I guess not.
You usually pick up a book to read because you heard a good word about it from a reader friend, or you chanced upon a good review or simply browsing for a book, you read the back cover and were intrigued to know more. My reasons for picking up this book is something you surely can’t beat! A chance encounter with the author Bavna Rai in a networking event right at my workplace made me rush home and download it on my kindle for weekend reading. Now being a blogger and aspiring writer, nothing gives you more joy than meeting someone who shares the same passion. Unfortunately I have never met a single soul who has remotely anything to do with blogging or writing in my workplace though I have worked for some of the biggest names in the Investment Banking World. Imagine how euphoric I was to receive an invitation for a networking event with 2 senior women leaders and I see that one of them is passionate about writing and has authored a book. Listening to Bhavna’s candid thoughts