7 Dec 2014- 8AM. Angel comes into this world, I hear her first cry and catch a fleeting glimpse as she is taken over to be weighed, cleaned and checked. The labor ordeal is over and I’m literally on Cloud Nine (@Cloud Nine!). I hold her in my arms and feed her the very first time. A lifelong bond begins.
5 day later: I'm discharged from the hospital and though most people hate hospitals I had a breeze. The hot meals served on time, the friendly nurses and doctors who visited me to enquire about my health and extra pampering by everyone, I din't know what’s in store for me. I get back home after 2 days, thanks to a normal delivery I pretty much feel normal by then. I struggle with latching the baby, waking up multiple times, and the wailing of the little one throughout the night, not being able to eat my meal in peace. Life has taken a U turn.
There have been times when I have stayed awake up to 2 am during audit seasons, a regular occurrence every year as we struggled to meet the tax and statutory deadlines, very often after marriage hubby and I went to late night movies and I still woke up and managed to go to office, in fact be fresh throughout the day. But this is something I had not imagined in the wildest of my dreams.
Our daily routine
11 pm- Get the baby ready to sleep, a light sponge, night clothes, feed, burp, a lullaby.
11.45 pm. Off she goes to bed. Heave a sigh of relief and tuck myself in.
12.45am- The shrill wail. Wake up with bleary eyes, change diaper, feed, burp, but no sleep.
3 am- Exhausted by now, almost ready to drop but baby wont sleep. A glass of milk(no to caffeine and tea) , sleep pulls me again.
This went on and on. I lost 7 kgs in 10 days much to the envy of my friends. I could easily fit into all my pre pregnancy clothes. While I smiled as I looked at the new Mommy in the mirror, I prayed fervently that may the night jagran(staying awake) session end.
I still remember the first day Angel made potty at home, I was having my cup of tea and there she goes. I have always been living in a nuclear family so not used to seeing how kids are brought up. I almost choked on seeing her potty, in fact I was about to puke. I was horrified at my own reaction but it was just not within my control. But when I look at myself today, there are no creases on my forehead, I don't hold my nose, in fact there are creases of worry in case she has not made it and is constipated. What a transformation Motherhood has brought in me. #EveryDayIsMothersDay- As they grow , we grow as Mom’s and learn so many new things.
12 days later: Angel cries literally the whole night, I am exhausted trying to feed her but her hunger is not satiated. We rush to the hospital early in the morning. We are advised to supplement her feed with formula milk. I am devastated, I feel I have failed as a Mother. What kind of a mother am I? I can't even meet my baby's basic need, I determine to try my level best to feed her my milk. However I realise in my heart that her needs are not completely met. The guilt plagues me for long and I keep getting hurtful comments that "You are not trying hard enough". One fine day, as I look into Angel's eyes as I hold her in my arms and she drinks from her bottle, I realise yes I love her more than my life and not being able to feed her is not a measure of my love, in fact I love her so much that I am ready to do whats in her best interest without a second thought. I feel liberated. No more guilt pangs. #EveryDayIsMothersDay- to get rid of doubts, conquer our fears, trust ourselves more and more, break the shackles of society and do whats in the best interest of our child.
1.5 Months later: Its Angel’s first vaccination. I am all tensed as I heard babies get fever and leg swelling. I pray to God may all her sufferings come to me, let her have no pain and suffering after this vaccination. By god’s grace she sails through sans fever and I end up in the hospital with fever and a terribly low platelet count in 2 days. These 2 may not be related but as the needle pierces me time and again to draw fresh blood, I still don’t flinch and think probably God heard my prayers and I would happily take the pain as long as Angel is fine.
3.5 months: Almost time to go back to work, Angel now sleeps the whole night (thank God), I have put on a few extra kilos and we have settled pretty much into our routine. Angel does her first turn on tummy and I am overjoyed. She has started on semi solids and unlike other babies, enjoys her food. I know I can go back to work without any stress.But do I want to go back? I do miss working but I would miss Angel and these times we spent together more.
4 months : I go back to work. I miss her terribly, countless calls to Mom who assures me she’s fine. I wait restlessly to see her face each evening and that joyful smile on her face makes my day.
The day Angel speaks her first word "Ma ma" I cry with joy. Of course she doesn't know at this point who is Mumma but for me its as if the world has stood still and all I want to hear is Angel saying Muma. Its funny that the day she said this, it had been just 4 days I had got back to work and the lack of a good sleep was keeping me a bit drowsy and the night she said this it was 1 am and my eyes were crying for sleep but I couldn't help smile and hug her.
Motherhood has taught me so much, I have bloomed as a Mother, despite the baby fat that I'm working on to melt, the tired eyes, hardly having time for myself, it is a wonderful experience. #MothersDay is all about living each moment, soaking in the memories of slurpy kisses and nursery rhymes, christmas carols and dancing to your favourite songs, sunny days and park visits.These times however tough they may seem will pass by and the day when our little ones grow up and are ready to leave the abode, it is these memories which will stay fondly in our heart
#EveryDayIsMothersDay- take it as it comes and build beautiful memories over the years as each day will be different than the other, with new challenges, new bitter sweet moments, new thoughts and new emotions.
Bhagwan you speak English with your daughter? What is happening these days?
People want to show off and are forgetting their roots”. I have heard this many times. Earlier my
reaction used to be - apologetic. I would keep quiet and try to ignore the comment
and find an escape route. But now if someone dares to talk to me about this
matter, I snap them off then and there. I am unapologetic I don't think I have
done anything wrong which I need to feel ashamed about. So yes I do speak in
English at home and this is my first language. No qualms about it. And
it's not because of an inter caste marriage in fact I have been speaking
English as a first language right since childhood. To give you some background
on how this came to be. My mother’s parents belonged to Mangalore ( it's a
coastal town in Karnataka) they migrated to Bombay in search of a livelihood
when they were young. They married, had kids and their kids were brought up by
a maid. As my mom and her brother lived…
Now let me confess- I am really NOT someone who loves watching
daily soaps. I know reading the tile you thought- what the heck, if it’s a
daily soap on TV it is bound to be stereotypical, full of nonsense and drama
and if you watch such stuff why complain, and if complain why watch? There was a
time when I was in college, all naive, and this was when internet was all about
going to the cyber cafe and getting all excited about entering the chat room
and typing asl (age ,sex ,location) and talking to strangers. At that time, the
only source of entertainment for young people like me was the idiot box so I won’t
lie- I used to watch the Ekta Kapoor soaps and probably even like that at that
point, that’s why I use the word Naive. As I grew up, met
diverse set of people, read and experienced new cultures, my thought process
changed. With a hectic job, I hardly found time for any TV watching. My Mom who
is also a working woman used to watch a few Marathi soaps. She always told me
A visit to the shopping mall and all kinds of people dressed in
varied shades and type of clothes is what catches the eye. While the guys
longingly ogle at pretty girls and women check out each other from top to down-
right from how has she done her hair to her toe nail and the shade of nail
paint, one cannot fail to notice some middle aged aunties all dressed up in a
pair of jeans or a skirt, some of them look around awkwardly, adjust their
dress and try to look comfortable but it’s apparent that they are not. How
could they possibly be? For around them are so many eyes scanning them, some
are whispering to others and guffawing. It is quite evident that people find it
amusing when a fat lady wears jeans. She's your regular
woman who has those tires around her waist and some generous dollops of flesh
on her thighs. She is the one always trying to hide these so called flaws by
wearing an ill fitting salwar for hasn't she heard time and again from
everyone- “you are FAT, you are…