You have to live in this society. We are in India not in any foreign country and we have some values, culture and tradition. How can you just ignore that?
People will treat you as an outcast, the friends and well wishers you have now will all vanish into thin air.
If no one else, at least think of your kids. Why do you want them to grow in such a troubled and lonely atmosphere? Don't they deserve Mommy and Daddy? Other children will start ignoring them and how will you save them from people's prying eyes and prodding fingers.
I wonder how many mothers had to hear this when they voiced their decision of separating from their spouse. And how many of them retreated and decided to suffer in silence. Don't get me wrong, I am not here to propagate the D word.
Not at all. I am fully aware that a child needs both set of parents and both have a vital role to play in giving him a fulfilling childhood.
But what happens when the marriage falls apart.
Can this just be brushed aside? And please don't tell me this happens only in poor families like those of our domestic maids. This is as much a reality in elite and well educated homes. It is just hushed up and hid under the duvet.
A husband slaps his wife because she spoke rudely to his aunt, it leaves a scar on her face. The next day at a family function when people ask her about the scar, she said she got hurt when cooking. This is not made up, the lady in question is well qualified. And I have known of more gruesome stories of men drinking and coming home and beating their wives, banging their head to the wall and there was a man who even went to the extent of urinating on his wife. Hard to believe isn't it? Even I thought the same, all this just happens in lower middle class and uneducated families and blame those Hindi movies and soaps for over dramatizing these things. I was shocked to see this happen in and around me. These were women and men I knew, I met them at weddings, we smiled and chatted, they hugged me and I thought they live a life just like me. Behind those smiles, I couldn't see the pain that they carried in their broken hearts.
Often these women bear all the pain and humiliation and suffer in silence just for the sake of society and their kids. But when kids see all this violence happening before their eyes, do we really think they will be left unscathed. And whom are we fooling by thinking that it's ok to ask the woman not to leave such a husband just for the sake of kids. What example are such parents setting before their kids?
The young ones will grow up thinking this is the norm, the son will not hesitate to lift his hand on his wife a few years down the line and the daughter would be one standing in her Mom’s shoes enduring blows from her husband and she would probably not even realize that there's something grossly wrong here for she saw it happening to her own Mom for so many years, and Mom did nothing too. These incidents leave a deep scar on the minds of kids, the impact of which would probably take years to erase.
Divorce or separation is not the only resort; in fact it should surely be the last resort. But what happens when everything else fails- talks with family, elders trying to make peace, threatening, pleading everything else. Should a woman sit quietly and endure it all just to maintain the so called false respect in society –Oh she's Mrs Sharma and those are the lovely kids of Sharmas. No one knows what happens behind closed doors, the bruises and swollen eyes; the nights spent crying on the pillow, and the unseen and unheard agony that the children go through. Yes it is indeed picture perfect to have a have family but happiness comes from mutual love and respect that parents have for one another and the day that is shattered, this happy family is but an illusion.
So the next time you are about to advise someone – ‘think again for the sake of your kids’ hold back and think again. And try digging deeper about what made her take this decision in the first place. And if is justified, give her a hug and show her that you are with her in this difficult phase. This would make a sea of difference. We need to really shake off this taboo associated with divorce and learn to accept it as a reality. Only when we can hear and talk about divorce without raised eyebrows or a smirk, we could build a more inclusive society for those who have had to go through it or are contemplating it.
A visit to the shopping mall and all kinds of people dressed in varied shades and type of clothes is what catches the eye. While the guys longingly ogle at pretty girls and women check out each other from top to down- right from how has she done her hair to her toe nail and the shade of nail paint, one cannot fail to notice some middle aged aunties all dressed up in a pair of jeans or a skirt, some of them look around awkwardly, adjust their dress and try to look comfortable but it’s apparent that they are not. How could they possibly be? For around them are so many eyes scanning them, some are whispering to others and guffawing. It is quite evident that people find it amusing when a fat lady wears jeans. She's your regular woman who has those tires around her waist and some generous dollops of flesh on her thighs. She is the one always trying to hide these so called flaws by wearing an ill fitting salwar for hasn't she heard time and again from everyone- “you are FAT, you
A short story. "We couldn't save him we are extremely sorry ma'am your son is no more". An eerie silence crept all over. I was so shocked that I stood rooted to the spot. No tears, no sobs, no loud cries just a blank stare. Staring into oblivion. It was just this morning that I kissed Rehan good morning, gave him a bear hug which is our morning ritual, whispered in his ears " Mumma loves you baby", lovingly packed his sandwiches and stuffed the chocolate bars and chips into his bag. He was all excited about his school picnic. They we're headed to a resort which had a lake and my boy loved water. What an irony.It's this water which made him pay the price of his life. Yes it took him away from me forever. When a child loses his parents, he is called an orphan. A wife who loses a husband is called a widow, a husband who loses his wife is referred to as s widower. But what do you call a parent who has lost his child. Is there a word? I guess not.
You usually pick up a book to read because you heard a good word about it from a reader friend, or you chanced upon a good review or simply browsing for a book, you read the back cover and were intrigued to know more. My reasons for picking up this book is something you surely can’t beat! A chance encounter with the author Bavna Rai in a networking event right at my workplace made me rush home and download it on my kindle for weekend reading. Now being a blogger and aspiring writer, nothing gives you more joy than meeting someone who shares the same passion. Unfortunately I have never met a single soul who has remotely anything to do with blogging or writing in my workplace though I have worked for some of the biggest names in the Investment Banking World. Imagine how euphoric I was to receive an invitation for a networking event with 2 senior women leaders and I see that one of them is passionate about writing and has authored a book. Listening to Bhavna’s candid thoughts