It was not an empty nest
A short story
Clutching the
photo album close to my heart, I sat down at my usual place, the seat by the
window. I placed the album on the dining table and before I could open it,
memories came flooding by.
Memories of the past 30 years- the young, innocent and scared
Rohini who stepped into this house as the bahu, I was so naive.
I turn the first page- there I am - so pretty and coy, smiling
shyly at the camera, standing beside my husband. We are standing beside this
same dining table which I am now seated at. This has been one of those rare
pieces of furniture that has been with us through thick and thin, for time
immemorial. It is a huge oak dining table with 6 chairs which is an antique
piece that was made to order by Deepak's father. It looks royal and is sturdy,
countless meals and conversations, those teary eyed moments and moments of
bliss, the gossip and so much more- this table has seen it all.
I turn to the next page and I see my 9month heavily pregnant
photo- I vividly recall how I couldn't wait to deliver and hold my little one
in my arms.
The next pic was of my little princess Amyra. Just a month old, I
held her in my arms - what a blissful moment that was. I had promised myself to
give her the best of everything and be there for her always.
Then the pic of the toddler Amyra- her eyes are enough to show the
mischief she's up to. We were seated by our table again and I was making a
desperate attempt to feed her while she giggled and tossed away the food. This
was one of the most tiring and insane moments of motherhood but also the
loveliest. For I was the center of her universe just like she was mine. She
wanted Mommy all the time and the moment she couldn't see me around, a
shrill wail and then a ear piercing cry for Mumma would fill the house.
The next one was
of a school going girl. With pony tails and a school bag. Again we were best of
friends here, though she had her other friends whom she played with, Mumma
continued to occupy the Numero Uno spot to share all her banter.
Now was the lanky
adolescent. She looked impatient and I recall how disinterested she was in
clicking this pic. This was the phase of rebellion. Mumma was hoisted away from
not only the best friend's place but was no longer a friend. Everything and
anything I did was seeing as interference and all she wanted was "My
space, my freedom". My attempts to give her space at the same time as a
parent who is forever concerned about the well being of her child, maintain
some amount of discipline was met with resistance. The dinner table was no
longer a fun place where we spent so many years enjoying our breakfast, lunch
and dinner, did homework and painted, chatted and laughed, cried and wiped each
other's tears. It was a place of silence and if there was any noise it was
arguments, and sobs. Those were challenging times.
Her first crush-the one she was so besotted with and seemed
the most valuable thing in the world, the daily arguments between her father
and her on this topic, it was a nightmare. My child treated me as a stranger.
Life can be so strange- at times the person for whom your heart beats tells you
that you are the one giving her the biggest heart ache. But nothing lasts forever does it? Finally one day she
came all teary eyed and hugged me tightly. The affair had ended on a bad note.
She was heartbroken and needed the person in whose arms she felt secure and
safe, and loved. In a few days things changed. She was learning to put this
behind and move ahead. We became buddies again. So much to talk, we had to make
up for the years of missed conversations. She shared with me her innermost
fears, her dreams and what she wanted in life. She was busy preparing for her
exams as she wanted to make it big.
I turned the next
page- her graduation day. A proud moment for her father and me as we stood
beside her, she was all dressed up in the graduation day robes. She clutched my
hand as besties do.
The next one was
of Amyra in her mid twenties, we stood side by side and she laid her hand over
my shoulder. There is a crease on her eyebrow and I remember those times. She
had landed up a good job in an MNC and ambitious as my girl was, she was
putting in her best to carve out a place for herself. This meant long and
stressful hours at work, meetings and conference calls and so much more coffee
that she had started having. We dint have much time to talk, she was asleep in
the morning when I left home for work and by the time I was back, she was at
her office. She came in the wee hours of the morning and slumped on the bed.
Weekends were spent in covering up the lost sleep, shopping and sometimes working
from home. There was a distance between us, no fights or anything. The silence
was creating an unseen gap.
The next is of her wedding day- O my baby is a bride. When did she
grow up so fast? Doesn't she look gorgeous in her wedding saree? And Rahul her
groom is so handsome, they make such a lovely pair. This day will be forever
etched in my memory as one of the happiest and yet saddest days of my life. She
would step out of this house and in a way life would never be the same. How
much ever we spoke, met, and chatted, not living in the same house would mean a
sea of difference.
And then the pic of Amyra with the twins- couldn't get better-
could it? The house was full again and it was like reliving her childhood-
double the fun, double the sleepless nights, double the love. She held my hand
the day she delivered and there were tears in her eyes" Ma you went
through so much for me, I can only understand what it means to become a mother
now, I can never thank you enough Ma, Love you".
She moved to her
house when the twins were 6 months old. Her MIL would take care of them when
she went to work.
Years had flown by
and our relationship had seen so many ups and downs- those times where we were
inseparable and those time when she just didn't want me near her. I tried my best
to mould myself as I knew that she grew up and more people from the outside
world entered her life, she would need more space, my innocent queries would be
seen with an air of doubt and would be met with defiance. I waited for her to
come back and she did find her way back home.
As I close the
last page, teary eyed and a smile on my face I get a call on my cell. Ma it's
time, my daughter whispers. A smile spreads across my face as I fetch the
laptop from the other room, place it on the dining table and connect to Skype.
It's time for our daily ritual of video chat.
She moved to London with her family last year and we have been
talking daily for at least a few minutes on Skype. On good days it's longer
chats and on busy days just a hi bye, everything's ok, love you.
I always feared an empty nest- what happens when my child grows up and flies out of the nest, can I let
her go easily? Without a heavy heart, without feeling those pangs of
loneliness? How will I endure this silence in place of the constant banter that
has been echoing in this house. Whom will I cook for, whom will I wait for
every night and what the bloody hell will I do with all this extra time and without
my child by my side? So many fears and insecurities were eating me up the day
she stepped out into this big world but I have realized this is after all
inevitable. Letting go of her has not been easy but seeing her spread her wings
and soar in the sky gives me immense joy. And our relationship has only thrived
after she moved out for it is now that as moms we understand each other better
and need each other much more. Life has come a full circle and I am content
that my nest is no longer empty, it never was. As my little bird who flies to faraway
lands comes back to the nest each evening, to a place called home. Isn't it
home that we all want to be in, at the end of each day however good or
bad?
#EveryDayIsMothersDay- a day to bask in glory of our loved ones,
create wonderful moments which are then etched as memories for life, see our
kids grow from a tiny bud to a blooming flower and as they join us in the
enthralling journey of motherhood, a new tale begins.
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