The Mommy Chronicles

7 Dec 2014- 8AM. Angel comes into this world, I hear her first cry and catch a fleeting glimpse as she is taken over to be weighed, cleaned and checked. The labor ordeal is over and I’m literally on Cloud Nine (@Cloud Nine!). I hold her in my arms and feed her the very first time. A lifelong bond begins.

5 day later: I'm discharged from the hospital and though most people hate hospitals I had a breeze. The hot meals served on time, the friendly nurses and doctors who visited me to enquire about my health and extra pampering by everyone, I din't know what’s in store for me. I get back home after 2 days, thanks to a normal delivery I pretty much feel normal by then. I struggle with latching the baby, waking up multiple times, and the wailing of the little one throughout the night, not being able to eat my  meal in peace.  Life has taken a U turn.

There have been times when I have stayed awake up to 2 am during audit seasons, a regular occurrence every year as we struggled to meet the tax and statutory deadlines, very often after marriage hubby and I went to late night movies and I still woke up and managed to go to office, in fact be fresh throughout the day. But this is something I had not imagined in the wildest of my dreams.

Our daily routine 

11 pm- Get the baby ready to sleep, a light sponge, night clothes, feed, burp, a lullaby.

11.45 pm. Off she goes to bed. Heave a sigh of relief and tuck myself in.

12.45am- The shrill wail. Wake up with bleary eyes, change diaper, feed, burp, but no sleep.

3 am- Exhausted by now, almost ready to drop but baby wont sleep. A glass of milk(no to caffeine and tea) , sleep  pulls me again.

This went on and on. I lost 7 kgs in 10 days much to the envy of my friends. I could easily fit into all my pre pregnancy clothes. While I smiled as I looked at the new Mommy in the mirror, I prayed fervently that may the night jagran(staying awake) session end.

I still remember the first day Angel made potty at home, I was having my cup of tea and there she goes. I have always been living in a nuclear family so not used to seeing how kids are brought up. I almost choked on seeing her potty, in fact I was about to puke. I was horrified at my own reaction but it was just not within my control. But when I look at myself today, there are no creases on my forehead, I don't hold my nose, in fact there are creases of worry in case she has not made it and is constipated. What a transformation Motherhood has brought in me. #EveryDayIsMothersDay- As they grow , we grow as Mom’s and learn so many new things.

12 days later: Angel cries literally the whole night, I am exhausted trying to feed her but her hunger is not satiated. We rush to the hospital  early in the morning. We are advised to supplement her feed with formula milk. I am devastated, I feel I have failed as a Mother. What kind of a mother am I? I can't even meet my baby's basic need, I determine to try my level best to feed her my milk. However I realise in my heart that her needs are not completely met. The guilt plagues me for long and I keep getting hurtful comments that "You are not trying hard enough". One fine day, as I look into Angel's eyes as I hold her in my arms and she drinks from her bottle, I realise yes I love her more than my life and not being able to feed her is not a measure of my love, in fact I love her so much that I am ready to do whats in her best interest without a second thought. I feel liberated. No more guilt pangs. #EveryDayIsMothersDay- to get rid of doubts, conquer our fears, trust ourselves more and more, break the shackles of society and do whats in the best interest of our child.

1.5 Months later: Its Angel’s first vaccination. I am all tensed as I heard babies get fever and leg swelling. I pray to God may all her sufferings come to me, let her have no pain and suffering after this vaccination. By god’s grace she sails through sans fever and I end up in the hospital with fever and a terribly low platelet count in 2 days. These 2 may not be related but as the needle pierces me time and again to draw fresh blood, I still don’t flinch and think probably God heard my prayers and I would happily take the pain as long as Angel is fine.

3.5 months: Almost time to go back to work, Angel now sleeps the whole night (thank God), I have put on a few extra kilos and we have settled pretty much into our routine. Angel does her first turn on tummy and I am overjoyed. She has started on semi solids and unlike other babies, enjoys her food. I know I can go back to work without any stress.But do I want to go back? I do miss working but I would miss Angel and these times we spent together more.

4 months : I go back to work. I miss her terribly, countless calls to Mom who assures me she’s fine. I wait restlessly to see her face each evening and that joyful smile on her face makes my day.

The day Angel speaks her first word "Ma ma" I cry with joy. Of course she doesn't know at this point who is Mumma but for me its as if the world has stood still and all I want to hear is Angel saying Muma. Its funny that the day she said this, it had been just 4 days I had got back to work and the lack of a good sleep was keeping me a bit drowsy and the night she said this it was 1 am and my eyes were crying for sleep but I couldn't help smile and hug her.

Motherhood has taught me so much, I have bloomed as a Mother, despite the baby fat that I'm working on to melt, the tired eyes, hardly having time for myself, it is a wonderful experience. #MothersDay is all about living each moment, soaking in the memories of slurpy kisses and nursery rhymes, christmas carols and dancing to your favourite songs, sunny days and park visits.These times however tough they may seem will pass by and  the day when our little ones grow up and are ready to leave the abode, it is these memories which will stay fondly in our heart

#EveryDayIsMothersDay- take it as it comes and build beautiful memories over the years as each day will be different than the other, with new challenges, new bitter sweet moments, new thoughts and new emotions.