Been married for "X number of years" so when's the good news? If this question hasn't been thrown at you time and again and you said you live in India, I would be gobsmacked. The age to marry, to procreate, then procreate again so that your child has a sibling, everything seems to be decided by society here, isn't it.
There are many couples who unfortunately cannot conceive and wait, pray and try every possible way to become parents. But there are some - who do not want to have kids by choice. I see this trend of DINK( Double Income No Kids) on the rise. Though I am always conscious not to raise the "good news" question before anyone, I sometimes do take the liberty with good friends.
One such colleague whom I knew well since a couple of years, was married for close to 3 years and when I asked her casually about having babies, she promptly replied - neither she nor her spouse are very fond of kids so they are not thinking of having one. On thinking about this- I wondered but how can one not love kids? How can a couple not think of having kids? It baffled me.
Today when I am a mother of a 10 month old, I have truly understood what it takes to be a parent, the cuteness factor apart, one gets much more than one has bargained for. It doesn't baffle me anymore. In fact I respect her decision and it seems perfectly ok. In case you had doubts, I love being a parent and love my Angel to the moon, it has changed my life in a big way but I do not have a shred of doubt about it being the right thing for me. I have always adored kids though I now truly realise what it is being a parent. One thing I was clear about though is having kids.
No conflict here, coming back to my colleague's case, what I respect her for is not having kids when she didn't intend to. I have seen lot of couples who though are personally not inclined to have kids end up having them due to societal pressure (to prove that they are not impotent, see we are one complete family now,Mummy Daddy Baby) or to please their parents (beta my Aakhri Icha -last wish) or because they believe that they need someone to take care of them in their old age. Have you heard of any lamer excuse? I would think having a baby when you are not ready or just don't want one- is the worse thing you can do to yourself and the baby. Have personally seen such people being unhappy and passing on the same unhappy spirit to the child as well. Then they hire an entourage of nannies, cooks, teachers to groom and raise the child, while they try to enjoy their life and live it the way they like, the kid craves for their attention, doesn't get it and one fine day he doesn't need it. So why do you want a baby then?
I read an interesting article which raised this issue- it said rather than society asking people to justify why they don't want a baby and trying to coax them to have one, the people who want to have a baby should be asked to justify why they want one? Very often people don't think twice, it's just the most natural thing to do right. So why do we need to justify it, blasphemous! The point I am making here is - are you asking yourself if you are ready to have a child?
Ready emotionally, physically, financially in all respects? Parenting is a full time job , are you ready in the true sense to be available 24*7 for someone, put them to sleep while you sacrifice your sleep, tend to an ailing child, put up with his tantrums,try feeding him a meal while he runs around and refuses to open his mouth, as he grows be responsible for his studies, help him with his project work , and did you say what about me? Well forget about me time, does that even exist once you are a parent? There's so much more to parenting and it's a job for a lifetime, so think and think well before you take the plunge. I can vouch for it that it's a beautiful journey, it's made me laugh, made me cry, brought out this new facet of writing in me that I never knew even existed and though it's a challenge to find time for myself, hubby -wife time, movie time, eating my meal in peace time .I could still not think of having it any other way.
Lets not forget- a little child brought into the world by us looks up to us for care and support for a good part of her life, we can give our best only when we are ready for it. It's important to make a conscious decision and in case you decide in the affirmative or decide to wait longer, both are perfectly legitimate options. It also calls for we as a society to stop putting undue pressure on couples and let them decide when they want to give us the "good news".
A visit to the shopping mall and all kinds of people dressed in varied shades and type of clothes is what catches the eye. While the guys longingly ogle at pretty girls and women check out each other from top to down- right from how has she done her hair to her toe nail and the shade of nail paint, one cannot fail to notice some middle aged aunties all dressed up in a pair of jeans or a skirt, some of them look around awkwardly, adjust their dress and try to look comfortable but it’s apparent that they are not. How could they possibly be? For around them are so many eyes scanning them, some are whispering to others and guffawing. It is quite evident that people find it amusing when a fat lady wears jeans. She's your regular woman who has those tires around her waist and some generous dollops of flesh on her thighs. She is the one always trying to hide these so called flaws by wearing an ill fitting salwar for hasn't she heard time and again from everyone- “you are FAT, you
A short story. "We couldn't save him we are extremely sorry ma'am your son is no more". An eerie silence crept all over. I was so shocked that I stood rooted to the spot. No tears, no sobs, no loud cries just a blank stare. Staring into oblivion. It was just this morning that I kissed Rehan good morning, gave him a bear hug which is our morning ritual, whispered in his ears " Mumma loves you baby", lovingly packed his sandwiches and stuffed the chocolate bars and chips into his bag. He was all excited about his school picnic. They we're headed to a resort which had a lake and my boy loved water. What an irony.It's this water which made him pay the price of his life. Yes it took him away from me forever. When a child loses his parents, he is called an orphan. A wife who loses a husband is called a widow, a husband who loses his wife is referred to as s widower. But what do you call a parent who has lost his child. Is there a word? I guess not.
You usually pick up a book to read because you heard a good word about it from a reader friend, or you chanced upon a good review or simply browsing for a book, you read the back cover and were intrigued to know more. My reasons for picking up this book is something you surely can’t beat! A chance encounter with the author Bavna Rai in a networking event right at my workplace made me rush home and download it on my kindle for weekend reading. Now being a blogger and aspiring writer, nothing gives you more joy than meeting someone who shares the same passion. Unfortunately I have never met a single soul who has remotely anything to do with blogging or writing in my workplace though I have worked for some of the biggest names in the Investment Banking World. Imagine how euphoric I was to receive an invitation for a networking event with 2 senior women leaders and I see that one of them is passionate about writing and has authored a book. Listening to Bhavna’s candid thoughts